Return to Looe Island

Back in 1995, I spent several exhilarating and highly creative months living on Looe (or St. George’s) Island and in Looe itself, where I composed Island Symphony (the story is told here). I also wrote ‘Les Origines humaines’ during the same period.

Island Symphony was written at the request of Babs and Evelyn (Attie) Atkins, who owned the island at that time. They invited me to live in Smuggler’s Cottage while I created the piece. They wanted a proper Symphony, with an orchestra, but this could never be played on the island (not enough room!) so I made the work using orchestral samples, mixed with synthesised and recorded sounds. I also used the internet to gather sounds (this was before the World Wide Web!). It was a bit like gathering virtual driftwood.

Revisiting the island today has therefore been quite an emotional experience, filled with memories of the place and the late sisters who were its spirit. I am delighted to report that the Cornwall Wildlife Trust, in the persons of John and Claire Ross, have done a brilliant job of making the island into exactly what Babs and Attie wanted: a nature reserve.

Here are some of the photos I took during today’s visit:

East Looe Quayside
The island from the boat
View up the path from the beach
View back across to Hannafore and Looe
Smuggler’s Cottage

John was kind enough to show me inside my old dwelling. It was very damp when I lived there. They’ve now had to take up the floor completely and are trying to make it habitable once more.

John Ross

These next three photos show the location of Babs’ grave and memorial stone. Despite the sadness, it is good to know she is at rest on her beloved island.

View up to the door of the old craft centre, now a private dwelling.
Island House, also privately owned.

After all this time, I have still never seen inside the house!

The new craft centre, next to the generator shed.

To my great surprise, they are still selling CDs of Island Symphony! A snip at £5.

Island Symphony!
Claire, with a bottle of island apple juice.

Moon raker returning to pick us up.

Farewell, Looe Island…until the next time.

After such an enjoyable but emotional trip, there was only one place to go for lunch: the Salutation Inn. Also full of memories: Dick Butters sat at the bar; the long games of chess with Peter Warden…

Reflecting on the whole experience, I would like to return one day and make another Island Symphony. This one would eschew the orchestra and concentrate instead on field recordings. The use of the internet would change too: it would become the location of the piece. The new Island Symphony would be an ever-evolving web installation, a site that is always there and can be visited at any time, just like the island itself.

In the meantime, here is the Virtual Tour I made back in 1996.



Aural Diversity


Most music is made and reproduced on the assumption that all listeners hear in the same way. Psychologists generally write about aural perception as though it is a single standardised thing. Acousticians normally design the sonic environment using uniform measures. Musicologists typically discuss music at it is meant to be heard, not as it actually is heard.

The reality, of course, is that almost all people hear differently from one another. BS ISO 226:2003 is the standard for otological normality and is taken to be the hearing of an 18-25 year old. After this age, presbycusis (age-related hearing loss) usually sets in, at rates that vary from person to person. On top of this comes a range of other potential losses, from noise-induced hearing loss to sensorineural disorders, from genetic problems to losses caused by trauma or medication. In other words, every single person is likely to have at least some hearing loss after the age of 25 and very many people have significant hearing difficulties. I am  willing to bet that a substantial number of 18-25 year olds also have hearing problems!

Given this state of affairs, it is surprising that more is not spoken about aural diversity. In an era when diversity is such a hot topic in so many aspects of society and life in general, why is aural diversity so neglected? My friend Professor John Levack Drever has written about it quite a lot, but otherwise there seems to be a dearth of discussion of the subject. There is plenty on disability, of course, which is great, but for those who would not classify as disabled but nevertheless are aurally diverse: not so much. This affects musicians as much as anyone else. I am aware of many musicians and composers (myself included) who struggle with their hearing, but who nevertheless continue to make music that sounds as it should to “normal” ears. Perhaps it is time that we started to reflect more honestly on our own limitations and present these in our music?

I certainly find myself at a compositional crossroads. If I continue to create normal music, I will have to revert to writing dots on paper because I can no longer hear digital sound accurately enough. At least my aural imagination is intact. If, on the other hand, I want my music to reflect my own experiences, then I have to start engaging with my aural limitations by introducing into my sound world those elements that I actually hear (including such disturbing things as diplacusis and tinnitus). How to do this yet still create beautiful music is a real challenge.

In the meantime, I can envisage a series of musical events that celebrate aural diversity. Surely there are composers and musicians out there (including those with normal hearing!) who would wish to make music that reflects on or addresses itself to a range of hearing types? Perhaps this opens up a new possibility of bespoke music that is more than just the result of users fiddling with EQ and is intrinsically designed for the individual listener’s hearing abilities.

Jean-Claude Risset vs. Jean-Pierre Brisset

risset brisset

Several years ago, I gave a paper about Jean-Pierre Brisset and music. I was asked to do so because of my compositions based on his work and ideas: Catalogue de grenouilles, Brisset Rhymes and Les origines humaines.

Some of the audience came along, it emerged, because they thought I was going to talk about the music of Jean-Claude Risset. It was an understandable error. Apart from the similar-sounding surnames, there is a section in my book The Digital Musician devoted to Risset’s piece ‘Sud’, and I was speaking in the context of an electroacoustic music research group. I’m not sure to what extent people were pleased to discover that my attentions were elsewhere!

Now, by a strange twist of fate, I find myself invited by the Collegium Musicae of the Sorbonne to speak at a two-day colloquium at IRCAM, Paris, devoted to Jean-Claude Risset. I am speaking about interdisciplinarity, of which Risset was a prime example.However, this coincidence has given me the opportunity to reflect in this blog on any potential connections between Risset’s music and Brisset’s works. Let’s call it a pataphysical mash-up.

At first glance, the differences are almost total. Brisset died in 1919, twenty years before Risset was born, and was an outsider: largely ignored or ridiculed. Risset, on the other hand, was very much the insider, leading the development of computer music through scientific discovery and collaborating in an open and mutually respectful manner with other pioneers. Risset was a composer and computer scientist working in universities. Brisset was a minor railway official and philologist/philosopher, propounding his eccentric theories that Man is descended from the Frog through a kind of linguistic evolution based in puns in French.

But, despite the unlikeliness of this collision, I detect two areas where they seem to share a common interest: the interior properties of sound; and the importance of meaning.

Risset made his reputation by entering within sounds to explore and exploit their characteristics (pitch, timbre/spectrum, rhythm, etc.) Most of his works are made from a drawing out of normally unnoticed sonic content. In particular, he was fond of aural illusions, such as glissandi which appear to continuously ascend or descend (they are the aural equivalent of the drawings of M. C. Escher). He uses these illusions to shape episodes in compositions in which sounds transform into one another. Bells become human voices which then transform again into percussion. As sounds mutate into one another, it is the closeness and detail of the listening that distinguishes his music. He had a delicate and sensitive ear and a certain lightness of touch in composition.

Brisset, too, entered into the detail of sound. For him, each human word contained a series of mutable components derived from the phonemic utterances of frogs. These utterances themselves were polysemic and polyvalent. They could be combined and modified over time to adapt to their new meanings, as the creatures (our ancestors) that produced them physically developed. In other words, as the frogs morphed into humans, so the cries they uttered morphed into longer words and phrases. For some examples, see some of my translations.

Which leads on to meaning. For Brisset, the entire universe was full of signification. Every frog call, indeed every sound, meant something (he was, after all, a religious man). Now, at first, what emerges from the colloquium is how little meaning Risset’s sounds possess. Bells, human voices, instruments, etc. are chosen not so much for their significance but rather purely for their sonic properties. Risset’s style is to process well-chosen sounds into even more well-chosen sounds.

But (and this is my main conclusion from the colloquium so far) Risset’s sounds have mathematical meaning. Where, for Brisset, the universal frame of reference is language, for Risset it is mathematics. That is why the computer is such an appropriate tool for him. It is not that Risset’s work is meaningless. It is rather that it’s meaning lies in an area outside normal language. And it’s the same with Brisset.

Hearing (my) hearing: pitch perception

Here is an attempt to model the way musical pitches sound to me nowadays. I hear two notes in place of the usual one. This phenomenon is called diplacusis. It is one of the many consequences of the hearing loss resulting from my Ménière’s Disease.

In future posts I will explore how I perceive timbre, localisation, idiom, etc. The changes are quite profound.

Digital technology is enabling us to do something that was previously impossible: to present to people with ‘normal’ hearing how someone like myself with hearing loss actually hears. It reminds me of that Marcel Duchamp note in the Box of 1914: “One can look at seeing, but one cannot hear hearing”. We are now in a position where this is no longer true!

Marcel Duchamp: Box of 1914.

 The following experiment is quite raw, but nevertheless gives a pretty good idea of how the diplacusis works, at least within my singing range. Bear in mind that the hearing loss is severe in my right ear and mild in my left. The experiment ignores tinnitus, which also intrudes.

First I played a piano note at a given frequency (rounded to a whole number). I checked with a fine pitch meter that the tuning was correct before proceeding.

I then blocked my right ear and sang the note I heard, checking against the pitch meter. The left ear (my ‘good’ ear) gives generally very accurate pitch, with a few slight deviations towards the lower and upper ends of my singing range.

I then blocked my left ear and performed the same exercise using my right. The following chart shows the pitches, and the difference. Pitch was not the only difference: for example, the perceived amplitude was considerably softer  from 138Hz downwards and fell away steadily. This is a typical hearing loss pattern in Ménière’s.

NoteFrequency in Hz (rounded)Left Ear difference (Hz)Left Ear Perception (Hz)Right Ear Perception (Hz)Right Ear difference (Hz)
 F#2/Gb2 92-19186-6
 G#2/Ab2 103-1102100-2
 A#2/Bb2 116-2114110-4
 C#3/Db3 138138132-6
 D#3/Eb3 156156151-4
 F#3/Gb3 185185180-5
 G#3/Ab3 207207204-3
 A#3/Bb3 233233229-2

What we can see quite clearly from this is that my diplacusis is active at all frequencies, but also variable. For some pitches, it is more than a semitone! For others, rather less. I hear these two pitches combined, with the out-of-tune one being softer than the in-tune.

What does this sound like? Here is my attempt to emulate this using appropriately detuned piano sounds. The ‘in tune’ note is louder than the ‘out of tune’ note, to reflect the hearing loss. The combination is pretty accurate, though, and by listening to this with by bad ear blocked I can get a better idea of what a normally hearing person would hear. There is a scale first, then the Bach Prelude No. 1:

 I then tried the right ear only wearing my new GNResound hearing aid. What is fascinating is that this does not remove the diplacusis, but it does reduce it and. strangely, makes it into a smooth deviation, getting larger as the pitch descends.

I’m not entirely sure what to make of all this, but it is interesting!

Ménière’s Disease and me

In 2009, I was diagnosed with Ménière’s Disease. MD is an incurable condition that combines four distressing symptoms: vertigo, hearing loss, tinnitus and aural fullness. My MD is bilateral (affects both ears) and is particularly virulent. It has been treated with a chemical labyrinthectomy, which intentionally destroyed the balance function in my right ear, and a range of drugs and dietary modifications. It has also led to severe hearing loss and varying levels of tinnitus. This has had consequences for both my personal and professional life and especially my relationship with music.

The aim of this document is to describe the history and development of my condition. I have to admit that I have kept it mostly secret for many years until now. MD is an invisible disability that is hard for non-sufferers to understand. A person with MD can seem to be either drunk or incapable. The medical profession is often similarly baffled. I was told more than once by doctors that MD is “over-diagnosed” and that my symptoms were more than likely something else. In fact, I have the classic MD profile which has evolved over time in exactly the way that those who know about the condition would have predicted.

My secrecy was partly a matter of personal pride (not wanting to be perceived as weak) and partly a matter of professional fear. The latter arose from the high-powered position I held at De Montfort University and a strong suspicion that some of my colleagues and managers would take a dim view of a Professor of Music and Director of the Institute Of Creative Technologies with these shortcomings. To what extent my fears were justified I will never know, but I am immensely grateful to my dear wife Louise, my friend Simon Atkinson, and my two personal assistants during this period, Rebekah Harriman and Jos Atkin. They provided the personal support and professional cover without which I would probably have given up work altogether. I also thank my consultant, Professor Peter Rea, of the Leicester Balance Clinic, whose interventions have restored my life to some kind of normality, and Dr Ian Cross, a GP who made the referral to Professor Rea’s clinic in the first place.

I have decided to write this document now following my attendance at the ‘Hearing Aids for Music’ conference at the University of Leeds, September 14th/15th 2017. This inspiring event opened my eyes to the possibility that one could admit to these things in public and still maintain a professional career of distinction. In fact, I have been opening up to people about my MD more often in past few years anyway, because the professional environment at Bath Spa University is rather more sympathetic than I found it at De Montfort. Nevertheless, the majority of people I know are unaware that I have this disability, and I think it only right now to present a full account of it, both for their benefit and for the benefit of any other MD sufferers who may be reading this. I found myself desperately searching for other people with a similar condition in the early days, and derived some comfort from the knowledge that I was not alone. I hope this will help other people, and I am always keen to hear from fellow-sufferers.

About Ménière’s Disease

MD is named after Prosper Ménière, a French doctor who first identified the condition in the early 1800s. For those who know me and my work on ’Pataphysics, it is quite ironically appropriate that I should have an obscure French condition that affects the only region of the body that contains a spiral (the cochlea)! For those mystified by that comment, my book ’Pataphysics: A Useless Guide will provide an explanation.

MD is a disorder of the inner ear, which is shown in brown in the next illustration:

Since this contains balance functions and hearing mechanisms, both of these are affected. Nobody knows what causes MD, nor how it builds up once it has begun. However, all MD sufferers have endolymphatic hydrops, which is an excess of fluid in the semicircular canals. The fluid flows throughout the inner ear and contains various salts or electrolytes which are critical to the balance function in particular. An excess of this fluid causes a feeling of fullness in the ears and episodes of vertigo, as well as damage to the tiny hairs (cilia) that enable hearing.

MD affects either one or both ears. I am bilateral but, mercifully, the left ear is less affected than the right. MD varies from person to person and even from day to day or hour to hour. The condition always progresses over time, but its severity varies. There is consequently a “ladder” of treatment that is deployed depending on patient need. I have climbed this ladder all the way to the top.

The first step is diet modification. Salt is a major trigger for MD symptoms, so the aim is to reduce salt intake to under 2.5 grams per day (the recommended amount for a normal adult is 6 grams). There are then various drugs that are taken to relieve symptoms, including diuretics, betahistine and anti-nausea medicine. Early surgical interventions may include the fitting of a grommet to relieve fluid pressure in the inner ear. Transtympanic micropressure pulses may be helpful, and self-administered using a machine. Alternative therapies include acupuncture and herbal remedies, massage and meditation techniques. With every one of these, I experienced some temporary benefits, but not sufficient to substantially alter the progress of the disease.

I didn’t have steroid treatment, but in recent years this has become a preferred next step, with steroids being injected or soaked into the ear. I also did not have a saccus decompression operation, which involves surgically releasing fluid from the inner ear. I have heard mixed reports about how effective this might be. Instead, the severity of my condition meant that I went on to the top rung of the ladder with a labyrinthectomy. The idea of this is to remove the labyrinth of the inner ear so that there is nothing for the MD to “work with” in order to create vertigo. It does not cure MD, but it does put a stop to the debilitating dizziness. Unfortunately, it also destroys your balance function, so it is an extreme measure.

There are two ways of performing a labyrinthectomy: physical removal via surgery, or chemical removal with drugs. In my case, I had a series of gentamicin injections into the inner part of my right ear. Once that was completed and I had recovered sufficiently, which took about a year, I needed no more treatment for vertigo. Even so, I do still sometimes get short-lived dizzy episodes. But overall, my focus has changed to managing my other symptoms of hearing loss and tinnitus. Aural fullness has also largely dissipated, thanks to the gentamicin but also the grommet which I had fitted in 2011. I am now deemed to be at a stage called ‘burn out’, when the MD is still active but has little or no effect on balance. This is just as well: if my left ear were to worsen, then a further labyrinthectomy would be impossible because I would have no balance at all. So, there is little or no further treatment available and my hearing continues to deteriorate. I still maintain a low salt diet, but otherwise I just monitor my progress with my consultant, while trying to intervene with hearing aids and psychological adjustment.

My history with Ménière’s Disease

One of the worst aspects of MD is uncertainty. After each attack, I would try to explain why it had happened, blaming food, stress, my prescriptions, etc. In the end, none of these explanations was convincing, and I came to the conclusion that the disease just does what it does and there is no particular rhyme or reason. But it always meant being uncertain whether an attack would occur that day, whether the hearing would get worse, whether this or that treatment is right at a given time. The uncertainty continues to this day, since the condition never goes away.

I first started to get vertigo attacks in about 2007. I don’t remember the first one, but I do remember a couple of early ones: one in my studio which completely knocked me over and sent the world spinning around wildly; and another in a café in central Leicester. This occurred just after I had received some Chinese medicine treatment, involving acupuncture and herbs. Naturally, I blamed the treatment, but in retrospect I know that had nothing to do with it. However, it is significant that I had been seeking treatment in the first case, because I was already aware that there was some kind of problem but did not know what it might be.

At this stage, I was not aware of any hearing loss or tinnitus and, like so many people, put the vertigo down to tiredness, or stress, or a virus, or anything else I could find to blame. The months went by and the vertigo became steadily more frequent and more violent and now tinnitus and hearing loss started to become apparent to me. As a composer and Professor of Music this was, of course, very alarming indeed. Being a researcher, I started to investigate my symptoms myself. It became increasingly clear to me that Ménière’s Disease was a real possibility, so I sought advice on that basis, and experienced the scepticism of the medical profession. It was only when I was referred to Professor Rea’s practice in Leicester that I finally had confirmation that all four of the necessary symptoms for MD were present in my case.

So, I began climbing the treatment ladder with a low-salt diet. This was an interesting challenge, because the amount of salt that is added to food is unbelievable! The situation has improved in recent years, but back in 2009 it was almost impossible to find meals that did not include large quantities of additional salt. I had to stop eating curries, which was heart-rending, although later on I was able to find one or two curry restaurants in Leicester which were willing to prepare me a salt-free meal. Certain other foods seemed to trigger vertigo attacks, such as caffeine (which I have not taken since 2010), bread and, strangely, rice, to which I seemed to be allergic for a time. These days, I can eat rice without a problem, but back then it would cause an instant attack.

It is hard to describe a full vertigo attack. There is some advance warning, as the ears fill with fluid, the hearing plunges to muffled, and the tinnitus increases to a screech. This preliminary period could last anything from a couple of minutes to half an hour, although it tends to get shorter as the disease progresses. After that, the rotation begins quickly and sustains itself for up to 5 hours. The sensation is of the whole world spinning around you. This is accompanied by violent vomiting. I would be unable to move and could not stand even the slightest motion. I would stare at a fixed point for hours, trying to stop the spinning. My eyes were affected, a bit like in migraine (there is some overlap between MD and migraine), with any bright lights or striations causing distress. I would hold a piece of white card in front of my eyes so that there was nothing to look at. I also could not tolerate noise, or any sound at all.

Some of the worst attacks happened while out and about. Since I do not drive (thank goodness!) it was my darling wife Louise who would be called and would have to come and rescue me. I would go home in the back of the car being violently ill, and then stagger into the house hoping the neighbours would not see me. On one occasion, I was attending a lecture at the Leicester Literary and Philosophical Society at New Walk Museum. Car access is not great there. The lecture was on birds, and I was very interested, so when I felt an attack coming on I stayed in the hall longer than I should have done. The result was that I staggered out in the middle of the lecture and then down the street towards the railway station, texting Louise on the way. I reached the station and had to stand in the pick-up area, swaying perilously while staring at the ground. Anyone who saw me that night would have assumed I was drunk.

On other occasions, an attack would happen while I was at work. I would retreat to my office while my PA held the fort and refused to allow people in to see me. Meanwhile, Louise would be called again to come and surreptitiously take me away. I was determined not to reveal my condition, because the Institute Of Creative Technologies was at an early and fragile stage of development and any sign of weakness on my part could have damaged both my and its future. I’m pleased to say that it still flourishes to this day.

These are just a few examples of the effects of an attack. I had so many that I lost count. As you can tell, having a supportive partner is a wonderful thing. Louise did what was required, but she also would not allow me to sink into self-pity or give up my work. This level-headed approach was vitally important, to keep the thing in perspective and maintain a positive mental attitude. As a result, I did not become too obsessed with what was happening and managed to cope fairly well with the psychological effects of losing my hearing, and the ever-increasing tinnitus.

An attack would usually end with my falling asleep, which was a blessed relief. I would wake up when the vertigo had stopped, but sometimes it continued after I awoke. Either way, the end of vertigo would lead on to “brain fog”, a ghastly condition in which the brain seems to be wrapped in cotton wool and refuses to function adequately. It would also be accompanied by screeching tinnitus. This would last several hours, but always cleared in the end, at which point I felt fine and would embrace life and work again with gusto, trying to pack in as much as possible before the next attack.

The treatment ladder led on to SERC, a betahistine that I then took for ten years in varying doses. It certainly does help, by dilating the blood vessels in the inner ear and increasing permeability. It also seems to be a completely benign drug in other respects. Even so, it was insufficient to treat the condition fully, so I then had a grommet fitted in 2011, to relieve aural fullness. This is a common surgical procedure with few risks or side effects. Mine was a T-tube grommet, which stayed in place until I had it removed in 2016. The reason for its removal was that I was getting repeated ear infections, as the eardrum tried to reject the foreign body. Having taken it out, I now have a permanent hole in my eardrum, which has the disadvantage that I must wear protection in the shower or when swimming, but the great advantage that I don’t experience any ear pressure problems when flying!

For a time, I had some success with a Meniett device. This is a machine that transmits acoustic pulses through the eardrum via a hand-held tube. The idea is that it stimulates circulation of fluid in the inner ear and so slows build up of the hydrops. This was quite pleasantly comforting, and did relieve symptoms, but in the end did not do so in a sustainable manner.

Having MD is expensive! I was able to have private treatment and I paid for this to happen as quickly as possible. Since the condition is not life-threatening, it tends to get relegated down the priority list in the NHS. I took the view that treating my condition was an investment in the future, and so it has proved, but this option is not available for everyone. I spent a lot of time on the MDUK message board, sympathising with and trying to encourage others. I know from the inside how destructive of lives and jobs this thing can be.

After about three years of worsening symptoms, Professor Rea finally advised gentamicin treatment. This involved a series of injections of this powerful antibiotic into my inner right ear, which chemically destroyed my balance function. At first, this made things worse, as I could barely walk down the road. I tried Vestibular Rehabilitation Therapy, but the exercises just triggered vertigo attacks, so I had to stop. But gradually things improved to the point where life was, to all intents and purposes, normal again. I now balance with my eyes, which means that if I shut them and walk I fall over. I also hate the dark, because I cannot see to balance properly, but fortunately there is so much light pollution in modern life that I do not encounter a problem very often.

Most of the time now, I do not have vertigo at all. I have also opened up a bit more about the condition to various friends. Occasionally I become aware that the MD is still doing its thing and, if I still had a balance function, I should be spinning. But even this is ignorable. I have had some mild attacks, for example when my medication for cholesterol was changed. These seem to be the result of the salts that modern pills are ‘cut’ with, any change in which affects my whole system. Once I went back to my previous prescription, everything was normal again. Sometimes, there is no obvious cause and I have to lie down and sleep for an hour or so, after which I am fine again.

Hearing Loss and Tinnitus

The most powerful consequences of MD for me today are hearing loss and tinnitus, rather than vertigo and aural fullness. During the vertigo phase, I was somewhat less bothered about these because, frankly, nothing is worse than vertigo. But these days they are increasingly important to me.

Tinnitus is reaching epidemic proportions as a generation has been exposing itself to prolonged loud noises both in daily life and via amplified music. I have always been aware of the dangers and taken precautions, indeed I wrote a warning section about this in my book The Digital Musician. It is somewhat ironic, therefore, that I suffer from it today. Tinnitus seems to be a cognitive problem, as the brain tries to hear sounds it cannot hear and consequently generates noise in compensation. But its true pathophysiology is really obscure and unknown. It can be a most debilitating condition, especially for musicians, and has frequently resulted in the depression or even suicide of the sufferer.

Even though my tinnitus is at times very loud, I have always managed to “hear past it” and am not psychologically troubled by it. I will never know silence again, but I accept this as part of my life now. The tinnitus, like everything else in MD, fluctuates wildly in both intensity and pitch, and is worse in my right ear than my left ear. At the time of writing, I have a fluctuating sizzle sound in my left ear and a large whooshing in my right that sounds like a distant aeroplane, combined with a small collection of continuous high pitches. However, this will doubtless have changed by tonight.

To get to sleep, I find human speech is normally sufficient to distract me from the tinnitus, so I listen to the radio, or podcasts, or audiobooks, using an under-the-pillow loudspeaker. I have also on occasions used an app such as WhiteNoise or the Relief app that comes with my hearing aid. I turn to these when the tinnitus is especially loud, because the frequency masking techniques they use are more effective at cancelling out the tinnitus noises.

Hearing loss is a more challenging problem. My right ear has severe loss, and my left ear mild. This does mean that I can function apparently normally in most situations, but there are nevertheless some limitations which have to be overcome. The hearing aid in my right ear assists the relatively good hearing in my left ear, adding up to a viable hearing system which lets me engage effectively in one-to-one conversation as long as I can see the other person to lip read, and have my left side turned towards them. Group conversation is another matter and is generally extremely challenging. People wonder why I am constantly leaning in towards them, or manoeuvring around them to get as much a sound as possible into my ‘good’ ear.

The profile of the hearing loss is bizarre, with the low frequencies having gone first (this is typical of MD) and a smorgasbord of peaks and troughs in other frequency bands. Furthermore, this changes on a daily basis and even in real time in response to external stimuli. Therefore, it is quite different from age-related hearing loss, or indeed the loss of someone who is profoundly deaf.

This has naturally had huge consequences for my music. I decided to stop making live music altogether when it became apparent that I could not perform adequately. However, that decision had much to do with vertigo at the time, so it may yet change. My composition has moved more or less exclusively to digital work, where I can control levels effectively and do not cause problems for other musicians. However, this is also not entirely satisfactory. It removes the social dimension of music, which is so important. Also, it still presents real challenges to my ears. Electroacoustic composition, for example, relies on fine and discriminating listening, and is invariably linked to a minimum of two channels and often as many as eight. I have found myself somewhat alienated from this form of music, which I have done so much to create and promote, by its intolerance of anything less than perfect hearing.

Somewhat masochistically, I have worked on some directional compositions and analyses (trying to avoid showing weakness again!) and have ended up relying on PhD students to be my ‘ears’ and confirm that what I imagine will be heard is accurate. What I actually hear is distressingly weird, with individual tones splitting into a multiple frequencies like a ring modulator, unwanted sonic artefacts coming either from tinnitus or from the ear itself, very limited perception of dynamic range, no ability to localise, and a general tendency to hear all pitches as sharp. My ‘good’ ear saves me from total disaster, but even this cannot be trusted completely. In earlier years, I was renowned for having accurate ‘ears’, but now I have to face the fact that this is no longer the case. This is hard to accept.

The situation is equally bad with regards to speech. I really struggle in any conversation where there is any kind of background noise. On very many occasions, people have spoken to me and I have not heard them. I am sure that I have also said the wrong thing many times in situations where I cannot hear someone properly and have chosen to pretend that I can hear, rather than constantly saying ‘I beg your pardon’. This is really rude on my part, and I have tried to adopt a policy of explaining the problem to people first, but sometimes this is simply not possible. My job involves talking to people all the time, so many conversations happen “on the fly”

and in uncontrolled environments. Meetings present particular challenges, especially in large rooms with prominent echoes. I am pretty good at lip-reading. I am largely self-taught but did attend some classes at DeafPlus in Bath and also used the LipReader training software by David Smith. And I have my hearing aid (of which more in a moment). Even so I am afraid I miss things. Women’s voices, which are softer, are often a big problem.

I got my first hearing aid back in 2012, under the excellent advice of Claire Marshall, my audiologist at the Leicester Hearing Centre. This was a Siemens Tek, which at the time was the bee’s knees. It was programmable via a small handheld device and offered special programmes for different situations (outdoors, restaurant, music, etc). It did help quite a bit with these, but was mostly poor for music. Hearing aids are engineered primarily for speech. Music tends to present a much bigger challenge, with wider dynamic and frequency ranges, etc. The compression and noise reduction functions in digital hearing aids actually work against the enjoyment of music, or at least live music. The Tek could not distinguish, for example, between a flute and feedback, so would suppress them both just the same.

For a time, I moved to an NHS hearing aid which is free (or nearly free). Despite the proud boasts of the NHS audiologist that this device was every bit as good as anything I could get privately, it was not very well suited to an MD sufferer. This is because NHS hearing aids are designed for people with age-related hearing loss, and so boost the treble frequencies and tend to ignore the lower end. Since the worst of my hearing loss is the other way around, this resulted in a highly tinny and sibilant sound which was ok for speech but completely hopeless for music. So, in both instances, I would usually take out my hearing aid when making music.

My most recent aid has coincided with a further decline in my hearing, which occurred in late 2016/early 2017. The new HA is a GNResound3D. I am still getting to grips with this system, but it seems to offer better possibilities for music. The speech functions are excellent, and the whole thing is controlled from my iPhone via an app which allows me to adjust directional focus and edit broad frequency bands. It also provides a direct link to my audiologist. I have supplemented this with some free software called EQHearAid, which offers a full graphic equaliser that can be adjusted on the fly. This is great because my hearing changes so much on a daily basis. There are still problems with holes appearing as sound transitions from one frequency band to another, and bass remains an issue because the ear mould I wear has a ventilation shaft which immediately reduces the capacity for low frequency management. Nevertheless, this HA is a great improvement on anything I’ve encountered so far.

Living with Ménière’s Disease

To those who have read this far: thank you and well done! I don’t spend my days lamenting and suffering with MD. It is just a condition that I live with and, since the vertigo has more or less ended, is one that does not intrude too much on daily life. Yet there is still plenty to grapple with in the future. In particular, I feel the need to continue to address my hearing issues. In the first instance, I want to be more open and honest about the problem, which is partly why I have written this document. But also I want to try to make a contribution to improving life for other people. For that reason, I am developing a research project that will focus on music and MD. It will

involve a cross-disciplinary team including clinicians, audiologists, psychologists and musicians. I hope to work with a hearing aid manufacturer too. This is an unresearched field at present that would greatly benefit from an increased scientific understanding.

To anyone who has recently been diagnosed with MD, I would say that it is not the end of the world (although at times it might seem so). It will however have a transformative effect on your life, so finding out as much as you can about it is important. There are online resources, but do check their reliability because there is also quite a lot of rubbish on the internet. Various purported “cures” are not to be trusted (and I have tried one or two of them). Join the Ménière’s Society. Every MD sufferer is different and has a different experience, but treatments exist for all levels, as my story demonstrates. In the past year I have travelled abroad frequently to deliver papers at conferences, including trips to Australia, Poland, Belgium and Canada. Life can return to something like normality!

One strange fact is that I now live aboard a narrowboat. During the vertigo phase, I certainly could not have done this (even though I wanted to), but now I am happily living in a house that rocks slightly. Whether it is because I have no balance function on one side, or whether it is because my brain has to work harder at balancing me on a boat, I find it more stable than being on dry land. MD is full of strange paradoxes like this. No doubt, if serious vertigo ever returned I would have to get back to dry land, but for now I am more than happy in my ‘mobile’ home!

Andrew Hugill

September 2017

Superimposing Silences

Progress has been made, thanks to the combined efforts of Robert Green, Tommy Cliff, Lin Zou, Professor Hongji Yang and myself. The starting point was the question raised by Robert: what happens if one silence is superimposed on another? In other words, if we combine a silence that has a joyful affect with one that has a tense affect, what is the result?

Given that every silence is a new silence, we may be certain that the result will not be simply a combination of the two previous silences. The affect will be unknowable. However, we may nevertheless undertake some analysis to get some idea of the result.

Mathematically, this leads to set theory, in the first instance, and possibly to group theory in the long run (although that may be overkill). Robert suggests:

The Space (S) of all Silences is partitioned into L disjoint sets of silences (where L is infinite) S1, S2, Sn… Su is a (hopefully empty!) set of silences unclassified by a particular method of partitioning – i.e. the remnants.

We can refine this partitioning by affect and effect, as follows: Sa1, Sa2, Sa3 etc. and Se1, Se2, Se3 etc. It is possible that certain sets have no common elements (silences) then another from the other partition e.g Sa2 ∩ Se3 = ∅. This introduces the idea of incompatibility, i.e. that there silences that cannot coexist at the same time.

When compatible silences are superimposed, therefore, a third silence will be the result, which itself may be judged under the variables in the ontology. This process may be written as follows:

∫:SxS→S, where S is the space of silences. S is two dimensional (affect/effect). The axiom:

  • I. Closure – every product of superimposition is another silence.
  • II. Associativity – the order of superimposition is not relevant and produces the same product.
  • III. Identity – There is an element such that superimposition by it makes no change.
  • IV. Invertibility – that every silence could be superimposed with another to yield the identity.

Robert went on to speculate about how this relates to group theory. If I-IV all hold, it forms a group. If I and II hold, it forms a semi-group. If I, II and III hold, it forms a monoid.

Tommy Cliff commented further that: I. is a question whether two silences combined make a silence. For III, the identity element is ideal silence as well, since if you superimposed a Silence with the identity, you would want to get exactly your original Silence out. I cannot think how you could have the invertibility property (IV) though, ie. for any silence, there exists another silence such that when superimposed, you get ideal silence as your output. If you can’t have this, then you only have a monoid.

Clearly this all  has some way to go, and we settled on using more empirical tools to analyse the silences for now until we can arrive at a judgment as to how much of this is purely subjective speculation (most of it, one suspects).

Hongji Yang proposed using Fourier transforms to analyse the silences. This has the great advantage that it will work across any media type, providing a scientific method for structuring the database. Lin You has undertaken a survey of databases. We have to go for a free platform (there is no budget for this project yet!) so it is a choice between NoSQL and MySQL solutions. Having something that works effectively with semantic web queries is essential. However, this also led on to a discussion about the extent of the use of semantic web in the project. As Jim Hendler puts it: “a little semantics goes a long way”. This is to be resolved. In the meantime, we are absorbing Lin’s survey to make some decisions.

At the same time, the psychological tests being undertaken by Dr Marie Thomas and her team could include superimposed silences. Perhaps something will emerge from that process that gives us an objective measure.

I stressed that user interaction will be key to this project. Whatever decisions we may make about the effect/affect of a given silence, users may well have a different opinion. They will be given the opportunity to record these opinions and the app will learn from their interactions. I envisage something quite alchemical: combine a drop of this silence with a dollop of that one, to produce something quite extraordinary. It could be magical!

Finally, I note that we have already had some uploads of silences. The individuals are beginning to appear! It’s exciting.







Ontology of Silence


The Ontology of Silence is a project by Andrew Hugill. Please spend some time investigating the site at to get an understanding of the project.

You are invited to contribute silences and to get involved in discussion via this blog page or contact me directly.

Future blog posts will update you about the project and include the most recent discussions. This is very much work in progress, so it is to be expected that these pages will evolve and change over the coming months and years.

Meanwhile…. ssshhhh!


If you wish to contribute, please upload a silence using the UPLOAD link below. If there is a problem with that method, please email me using the Contact Form.

Your silence could be a sound file, image file, text file, etc. Sound files will be recordings of silences. Image, text, and other similar files will evoke silence in some way. To understand how that might work, please read the ontology carefully.

Name uploaded files with your name and any title, separated by underscores, as in the following example: andrew_hugill_wry_silence.aif

Files may be in any format, but please try to achieve the best quality.

Uploading a file indicates that you are willing to make the contents available to the Ontology of Silence project. Files must therefore be free from any copyright restrictions.

Along with the silence itself, please also upload a text file with the same filename as the silence. The text file should contain a very brief description of the silence. Do include any relevant factual information such as: sound recordist, artist, writer, date, location, etc. Finally, indicate the Affect and Effect of the silence, from your perspective.



Ontology of Silence

Domain Concept

  • A silence is a duration containing no intentional sound.
  • An intentional sound is that sound which is intended to interrupt a silence.
    • Unintentional sounds may have local intentionality but are made without awareness of the silence.
      • A silence in a forest may include the singing of birds who make intentional sound but without awareness of the silence.
      • Two lovers falling silent as they gaze into one another’s eyes in a crowded restaurant sustain their mutual silence despite the many unintentional sounds around them until they are interrupted (perhaps by a waiter bringing a menu).
    • A person disrespectfully calling out as a rugby union player tees up a kick at goal intends to disrupt the silence.
      • The extent to which an interruption successfully breaks a silence is a matter of common agreement. In some instances, a silence is deemed to have continued despite an attempted interruption. In this case, the intentional sound becomes absorbed into the silence.
  • A duration may be specified or unspecified, but silence will always have a duration.
    • The limits of the duration of a silence are set by the intrusion of intentional sound.
      • A duration may be measured in seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, years, lifetimes, or eternities.
  • Silences may be Real or Ideal.
    • Real silence is full of sound.
      • Since “a complete absence of sound” (OED) is an ideal condition, there will always be some sound in a real silence.
  • A Real Silence is an experience which can be either recorded or unrecorded.
    • A recorded silence is not the same silence as that which was experienced, but is rather a new, mediated silence.
  • Recorded silences have a Recording Type, which refers to the conditions under which the recording was made.
    • An Accidental Recording is an unintended silence on a recording.
    • An Ambient Recording is a silence in a given space.
    • A Concert Recording is a silence in a musical concert.
    • A Field Recording is a silence recorded in a specified location.
    • A Personal Recording is a silence recorded by an individual for private use.
    • A Studio Recording is a controlled silence recorded in a studio situation.
  • An unrecorded silence is an actual experience that may be represented in any medium other than recorded sound or may not be represented at all.
    • The typology of unrecorded silences is: Image; Music; Verbal; Written; or Unrepresented.
      • Image Types of unrecorded silence represents silence in an image, that may be: a movie; a painting; a photograph; a sculpture; any other image.
      • Music Types of unrecorded silence include both silent pieces of music and music that otherwise attempts to represent silence. They may be either composition or performance.
      • Verbal Types of unrecorded silence represent the silence through spoken words.
      • Written Types of unrecorded silence may be either poetry or prose.
      • Unrepresented Types of unrecorded silence are silences that are experienced but not represented in any way. This type exists but is necessarily void.
  • An ideal silence can only be evoked, but not experienced.
    • An ideal silence is the one described by the dictionary definition of silence as: “a complete absence of sound” (OED, 2017).
      • The silence in a vacuum is ideal, because it cannot not be experienced by a human being, but only evoked.
      • The “silence of the grave” is similarly ideal, because it cannot be experienced but only evoked.
  • The evocations of ideal silence are: Gestural; Imagistic; Sonic; Verbal; Written; Unclassified.
    • A Gestural Evocation conveys the ideal silence through gesture.
    • An Imagistic Evocation conveys an ideal silence through image.
    • A Sonic Evocation conveys the ideal silence through sound.
    • A Verbal Evocation conveys the ideal silence through spoken words.
    • A Written Evocation conveys the ideal silence through written words.
    • An Unclassified Evocation uses some other means than gesture, image, sound, or words (written or spoken) to convey the ideal silence.

Value Propositions

  • The Effect of a silence is defined by its frame (that which surrounds the silence in time and/or space).
    • Absolute Silence is the effect of a total absence of sound in a period of time or a given space.
    • Electronic Silence is the effect of an absence of signal in an electronic medium.
    • Environmental Silence is the effect of silence in an environment.
    • A Hush is the effect of a silence that is collectively willed.
    • A Silent Interlude is the effect of a silence that occurs during some event.
    • An Outer Silence is the effect of a silence manifested by an individual or group.
    • A Silent Postlude is the effect of a silence that follows some event.
    • A Silent Prelude is the effect of a silence that precedes some event.
    • Quiet is the effect emanating from a silent source.
    • Radio Silence is the effect of no signal from a broadcast medium or a normally communicative group.
    • Ritual Silence is effect of a silence that forms part of some ritual.
    • A Still Silence is the effect of stillness.
    • Silent Space is the effect of silence in a given space.
  • The character of a silence is determined by its Affect.
    • Affect is a subjective perception of the personal or emotional consequences of a silence.
      • An Ambient Silence surrounds you.
      • An Amiable Silence is friendly.
      • An Amusing Silence makes you smile.
      • An Angry Silence is an expression of rage.
      • An Anticipatory Silence makes you expect something.
      • An Anxious Silence is a troubling experience.
      • An Attentive Silence is the respect shown by a listener.
      • An Awkward Silence is when words will not come.
      • A Bittersweet Silence produces mixed emotions.
      • A Boring Silence seems to never end.
      • A Brooding Silence suggests that something is going on.
      • A Cheerful Silence is a happy one in which sound is unnecessary.
      • A Contented Silence occurs when all sonic needs have been fulfilled.
      • A Crepuscular Silence feels like the “still of the evening”.
      • A Deafening Silence is a notable absence of response.
      • A Disgusted Silence occurs when it is better that no sound is made.
      • A Dramatic Silence is a silence used for effect in some performance.
      • An Empathetic Silence is the shared moment when you become lost in someone else’s profound thoughts
      • A Fascinating Silence is one which does not wish to interrupt.
      • A Fearful Silence is afraid of the consequences of making a sound.
      • A Good-natured Silence is the natural product of wellbeing.
      • An Incidental Silence goes unnoticed by most people.
      • An Inner Silence may be achieved through meditation or religious contemplation.
      • An Interested Silence is polite but nevertheless engaged.
      • An Interrupting Silence is intended to interrupt sounds.
      • A Joyful Silence is when there are no sounds left to express the joy.
      • A Longing Silence awaits fulfilment.
      • A Meditative Silence accompanies some inner process of spirituality.
      • A Mindful Silence attends only to the present moment.
      • A Moody Silence occurs when one’s emotions get the better of one.
      • A Musing Silence is quizzical yet contemplative.
      • A Mute Silence cannot make a sound
      • A Mysterious Silence is inexplicable.
      • A Performative Silence is perceived to have a function within a performative setting.
      • A Polite Silence will eventually be broken by the need to utter.
      • A Political Silence is both the suppression of a voice and a strategic form of resistance.
      • A Silly Silence is unnecessary and ridiculous.
      • A Stunned Silence is a reaction to a shock.
      • A Sullen Silence is a reluctant response to some perceived oppression.
      • A Surprising Silence jolts one into a reaction.
      • A Sweet Silence is seductive and delightful.
      • A Tense Silence creates a palpable atmosphere.
      • A Transformative Silence changes a situation.
      • A Valedictory Silence bids farewell to something.
      • A Visceral Silence is raw, emotional and affecting to the core.
      • A Volatile Silence behaves unpredictably and wildly.
      • A Whimsical Silence is some kind of joke.
      • A Wistful Silence is full of a vague sense of regret.
      • A Witty Silence is all about timing.
      • A Wry Silence is used to mock.

© Andrew Hugill, 2017.

Winter Moorings


We have relocated to Union Wharf, Market Harborough, for the winter. Here is ‘Froth’ lying in her new mooring, and taking on water. As you can see, we have the advantage of a quayside running the length of the boat, which is great because we can get on and off at the front as well as the back if necessary. It’s also good for washing and painting the hull.

We love Market Harborough. Lots of great shops and restaurants, a good park for Rosie, and the basin has a well-kept towpath and its own restaurant and gin/fizz bar. Even so, we were sorry to leave Yelvertoft. It’s a great marina in a fabulous setting with lovely people. No doubt we’ll be back one day. But, for various reasons, Harborough is the best place for us this winter.

Union Wharf is also home to a hire fleet. It can get very festive when there are stag/hen parties setting out on the little day boats:


The larger boats are moored in front of the restaurant:


But all the hiring has stopped now for the winter, so it will be relatively quiet until March.

Froth has had some work done on the cratch covers at the front, because they were leaking when the wind got up and drove the rain in hard. To prevent that, Kinver Canopies have fitted this rather stylish scalloping, which is mounted on a rail that acts as a gutter. A perfect marriage of form and function.


We had been noticing that the propellor was not turning very well, so Andy got his long sleeved rubber gloves on and lifted the weed hatch to investigate. This is what he found:


Old mooring rope, wrapped tightly around the shaft. It took a lot of sawing with a blade to get it off. Still, at least it was proper rope and not a plastic bag – those things are a nightmare!